Couples Counseling

Marriage Counseling – Marital Counseling – Relationship Counseling

If you are like most people, you got married expecting your partner to be there for life. We plan to be there for them “in sickness and in health” and believe they will be there for us, too, but sometimes something happens. We start to doubt this important need, that they are going to be there for us. As trust goes away, resentment comes in. We struggle to feel the love for
them, or from them.

One of the most difficult places to be is in a relationship with someone so important, yet so far away emotionally. We are lonely with them in the room. Someone we love becomes like an enemy. We no longer know how to talk to each other in a way that really says what we feel, and everything said feels like a grenade lobbed in the relationship battlefield that used to be your marriage.

I know it is hard in these moments with everything that has been said and done to realize this, but your spouse isn’t the enemy. The destructive pattern that developed is the enemy of both of you, and these patterns will continue until you either face them, or run from the brokenness in defeat. Sometimes it seems easier to run, but if you run, you both lose. In marriage that is how it will always be: both. Either both win or both lose. Marriage doesn’t have to be a battleground in your life. It can be the oasis it was intended to be, a place of peace in the storms we are facing.

The process I use is to help you understand yourself and your partner better and to recognize the destructive patterns that have developed between the two of you. This involves gaining an understanding of your thoughts and feelings, as well as those of your partner. We can learn to understand our expectations and needs, our desires that weren’t met and that lead to disappointment and resentment.

We don’t just want to recognize what we’ve been doing wrong, but to learn how to do it better. We need a new way of talking to each other. You need to learn to fight alongside the one you love against the real enemy you’re facing: the vicious cycles you’ve been stuck in.