Let’s talk a little more about focus. Focus keeps us on track, moving toward what we focus on. Focus also gets us off track and causes us problems if we focus on the wrong things. At any moment in time we could focus on many different things. What we choose to focus on can make the difference between being happy or making ourselves miserable, as well as ruining relationships. This is because the thing we focus on becomes bigger than anything else, and important things can disappear to us if we have our attention somewhere else.
Let me give an example of this. When you enter a room there is so much information available to you. The sights, the sounds, the smells, the feelings on your skin from temperature and humidity. All of this hits you, and your mind focuses on what it finds most important and urgent. Most of us are not aware of everything we could take in though. If we were, we might feel overwhelmed just processing it all. We tend to be selective of what is worth paying attention to and we just ignore the rest. So with all that we could take in as we enter that room, we may only notice that the dishes weren’t washed. At that moment unwashed dishes become what is reality for us. There may be a romantic dinner on the table which we missed because our attention is drawn to those dishes and the thought that we will have to wash them.
Think about this; in a way, we make our partner who they are by what we focus on. If we are focusing on what is wrong with them, we may miss a lot of what they are doing right. More than that, we color everything with that perspective. We even see the good things they do as bad. Your husband or wife can be doing a lot of good things, but you won’t see it if you are only focused on what they’re doing wrong. It is as if they are invisible, and we only see the image of them we carry in our mind. If we see them as bad or negative, that becomes the only thing that we notice them doing.
What is the focus you now have on your partner, or other important people in your life? Could this focus be cheating you out of being happy? Is it cheating you both out of a better relationship? If you are looking to be happier, and to have better relationships, it may be a good idea to realize that things will only be as good as you are willing to let them be.